PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I SCREAM!

flattering faces
Originally uploaded by brapps

I'm going a bit stir crazy now. I'm still feeling sick. I'm tired, and I JUST NEED A BREAK!!!!

This is my family, and no, we're not inbred!

WILL LIFE EVER BE SANE AGAIN?

I'm ill again, and I haven't seen my friend Vickie and her son Morrie for a week now. They get back from their holiday in a week. I seem to get depressed whenever I don't see them for a while. I don't know what's going on with the illness. Maybe I get ill more when I feel down or maybe I feel more down when I'm ill. It's hard to say.

It makes me cry to think about the end of my pregnancy. I think moving to a new town right after having a baby was a good idea, because life wasn't going to be the same with a baby, so why get used to things at the old place with a baby to then move a few months later? But now I wonder if I've given myself a harder job to come to terms with the fact that the life I used to have is over. If I was still in the same place but with the new role as a mum, maybe I could accept it quicker. I feel like I'm walking around in someone else's house, in someone else's life. I wonder, who am I now? Being pregnant was like being me only better, cos I had this new potential, this new trick of hosting a baby. The anticipation of the birth of the baby was like being a kid waiting for Christmas all over again (I REALLY used to get excited), and I felt so special and so good about myself. Everyone seemed to treat me with kindness and adoration. That must be the one time in a woman's life when she can feel so magnificent. Now it's over. Even when I'm pregnant again, it won't be like it was - I have all of the responsibility to look after my firstborn and will have no time to "take care" of myself as I did when I was pregnant the first time. My God, other mothers warned me to enjoy it because there won't be another time like it. Now I see exactly what they were talking about. I wish I had a time machine and could live just one hour in my old life. I'd paint my nails or have a long soak in a hot tub and just BREATHE because I wouldn't have the weight of the world on my shoulders...

... and then when the hour was up, I'd come back to my new life and be so happy to see my baby boy smile at me. I'd miss him!