YOU WILL BE MARRIED AND YULE BE GONE

I am in LOVE with the Starbucks' Caramel Apple Cider. It's so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.

The wedding time is now high noon instead of 2. We're getting the rings this weekend. I can't believe in a month I'll be married. It's all very exciting.

Last year Christmas passed me by cos I was so excited about Ben's visit to California. I think it's gonna whizz by again cos I'm so excited about marrying him. Even planning the simplest of weddings takes some effort and some cash. I am so glad I'm not having a formal wedding. There's no way it would come together in time. Now all I really care about is getting my red kimono to wear and the rings and as long as my immediate family, the minister and Ben show up, I think we'll be in pretty good shape.

I hope Santa brings me a new tape deck for my car. For once, I can check "chocolate-covered boy" off of my wish list!

OH-WOAH-WOAH, RACHIE'S TIRED!

I am waiting for revisions on this contest display and scratch off ticket/entry form thing I'm doing here in the land of Sexy Hair Concepts... When I get the changes given back to me I will be hard-pressed for time to finish the next revision. Designing in the business world is fun. Boo!

I want to be at home with Ben waiting for the cable person to show up and fix up our setup for the aol broadband internet connection. I somehow don't trust Time Warner cable. I don't think they will show up for our "between 1 and 5 pm" appointment. mostly I just want to go home and wait for the cable person by going to bed and taking a nap. I want to wake up when it's dark outside and feel disoriented upon waking. I want to not know if it's 6 at night or in the morning.

I'm going to bake a cake with Vicky tonight. She's coming over and bringing her mixmaster so my poor widdo hands don't get tired making chocolate batter. The cake will arrive at my parents' house for Thanksgiving dessert on Thursday. I will also be making the traditional family holiday dish--Artichoke heart casserole. It's gonna be good. I just hope it's as good as mom makes!

This is so unsettling. I feel grumpy, and I think it's because I'm tired. I hope so. I don't want to get into a depressed mood. Those are so hard to shake sometimes. I get paranoid when I can't pinpoint what is making me feel grumpy and irritated.

DESPARATION ISN'T THE DEVIL'S WORK...HALLOWEEN CANDY IS.

I shouldn't eat any more candy. I shouldn't eat any more candy. I shouldn't eat -M&M's? Wat are you doing in my--GET OUT OF MY MOUTH!!!!!!!

I feel good after I eat candy. Damn good. For about 45 minutes. Then I get grouchy. I feel irritable and uncomfortable and jittery and tired all at the same time.

Work's been getting a lot busier. I am feeling stressed but I think a large part of that has to do with my SUGAR LOWS! What's a girl to do... tomorrow is Halloween! I guess I'll have to torture myself by eating candy for one more day and then I'll quit. I swear it this time! I'm dressing up as a spooky witch in a sexy dress. I have the prettiest dress and the orange and black striped thigh-high stockings and the black lace garter belt and the witch hat and black wig. I think it's going to be fun. Ben and I are going to Douglas' Halloween party tomorrow evening and Ben's dressing as a vampire. Douglas is even hiring my mom to read tarot cards for all the guests!

Ben has been keeping busy. He seems to be making lots of progress. His web designing skills seem to improve every day. I am so proud of him. Seeing him take care of business motivates me to do everything i need to do, too! I am glad that he successfully got his temporary EAD card and was able to get a Social Security Number so soon and was able to open a bank account. I'll probably start teaching him how to drive soon, that's gonna be fun!!!! Sometimes when I'm at home with him, I am overwhelmed with a sense of contentedness... I am so happy and relieved that we don't have to say goodbye again and that we're going to be together for the holidays and that my family loves him so much, too.

Here at Sexy Hair Concepts, we have a new Graphic Designer in the Department. Her name is Carla Horwitz and she is a South African born, Canadian resident who has recently moved to the states. I like her a lot. I am glad that we've hired her, I think she's just perfect for the position. She's kooky like me and Douglas.

Six o'clock and time to go home!

L-O-V-E LOVE, IT'S COMING BACK, IT'S COMING BACK.

Today is the big day. Ben returns to L.A. with his visa! My Legal Man!

I can only explain my excitement as follows: I feel like a little kid who is so excited about Christmas morning that they can't sleep. I don't think I fell asleep last night until 2:30 am. So with Ben's jet lag and my lack of sleep, I imagine we're both just gonna pass out pretty early on tonight.

This weekend I tried to get things sorted out around the house before Ben's return. I didn't end up going salsa dancing after all. I watched the L.A. Galaxy soccer match and they won the championship, it was so exciting! Amber and I had a nice salon visit and went to visit our parents and went to the pharmacy and went shopping. Amber's 1950's costume is so terribly cute. I'll bet she's going to get a few dates from this one! It was nice cos we went shopping with our sister-in-law, Tiffany. It was girl bonding time. Even though we've known Tiffany for 12 years, I can't recall ever going out shopping together, just the girls.

Last night I tore apart the closet and put it back together again. In the apartment, Ben and I have this huge closet. It's the size of a small room. So I had to rearrange things so that the things we need to have more accessable to us are closer to the opening of the door. I think it works very well. But Ben is going to be sad when he sees that my 40 pairs of shoes have taken over both sides. At least I'm getting rid of 2 pairs that I never wear. Of course, I got 2 more pairs since he's been away...

On Friday I saw Vicky, but she and Amber had gone shopping and didn't come home until later to make Vicky's brownies. I took a nap. I was a bit hurt because they didn't tell me that they weren't coming to the apartment right after work, and I thought that I was going to be included in their plans. I stayed in my room sulking for a bit, but then I was lured out by Halloween cookies. I let them know that I misunderstood what was going on and that I had wanted to hang out with them. So everything was good after that. I guess Vicky's special brownies were a success. Amber tried one, but I figured I didn't need any more "mood enhancing" so I abstained.

Last night I watched old video tapes from my camera. One was from Christmas of 1996. All four of us kids still lived at home. There are some pretty great statements being made on it! I was so young and thin! My skin looks beter now though, so there's something good about getting older! I still feel like a fat cow today, though. Ben said he'd help motivate me to take walks and even jog in the morning. He's a good influence!

There was footage of two cats that are dead now. Well, on the Christmas tape I could hear my old kitty Scheherazade meowing. She used to whine, these long drawn out meows that would go on forever. I swear she had a lisp, too! That cat was so insecure and such a nuisance sometimes. But I had her from the time she was a kitten until she was 15. I miss her a bit, but she was really annoying and needy. But hearing her meow on the tape made me miss her a lot, and I remembered how she used to console me when I would cry and try to lick the tears off my cheeks. She was a sweet kitty, but sort of ugly and mental, and she had people eyes! She got sick, her kidneys were failing and she started having seizures. So I took her to the vet's to be put to sleep cos my mom couldn't do it. I opened the box to say goodbye and she looked at me with those people eyes and meowed her whiny meow. I could see it in her face, she knew that this was the end. I tried not to cry til I got out of the office because I knew it would upset her and she'd try to lick my tears away. The other kitty on tape was Andy Warhol. He was Vicky's kitty. But she got him when we lived together in an apartment in Studio City and he was only 7 months old. So I got really attached to him, too. The footage of him is from when we first moved into the house in Simi Valley. He's laying stretched out on the patio in the back yard and he looks so relaxed and cute. He was a great cat. Enormous. I swear his head was as big as mine! He was so smart and so sweet. He was like a person. We always used to say that we named him right cos he acted like a gay man! My brother David used to call him Vicky's husband, cos he was on a people schedule and he'd get mad if she stayed up past their bedtime. He'd sleep in the bed with her, with his head on the pillow next to hers. When Vicky moved out of the house this summer, it was pretty sudden. It was hard getting used to not having Andy and Vick around. They moved to Burbank with Chris and Annie. Andy seemed happy for that first month, climbing trees and playing in their yard. He didn't even seem to mind their 2 little dachaunds too much. And then one evening he didn't come home when Vicky called him. It's been a couple of months now. It doesn't seem likely that he's coming back or even alive. I always pictured Andy living to be really old, but he only made it to 4. Now we're still grieving over our dead friend. It made me very happy to see that video of him, but it also made me very sad, too. I'm glad that I have it to remember him by, but at the same time it makes it a lot harder to accept the fact that he is gone now.

Even though it's a very happy day for me, I was surprised by how much watching those old videos affected me. It made me have strange dreams. I dreamed that my brother David was putting eyedrops on the bubbly spots of his pizza crust! Eeeeeew! I think I might have to make copies of the Christmas video for the whole family, I think that was the last year that we all lived together at home. I can look back at those times very fondly now. But it's amazing that we all survied without strangling eachother!

COLOUR OF BLOOD, CHAOS AND CORRUPTION OF A HAPPY SOUL.

I LOVE Fridays. But my mind is not at ease. I don't like it when I have a lot of stuff to do in a short amount of time. So I think that I need a reality check here. I am doing 3 main things tomorrow that are enjoyable and that I want to do, so I should not approach it with a feeling of dread. The first thing is that I'm getting a microdermabrasion peel. I get one of these facials every month as a trade for artwork. Secondly, I am going to go pick up my oral contraceptive pills, which I remembered to have refilled in enough time for me to get to the pharmacy without a panic. Ahhhhh, the responsibility that refreshes! Lastly, I am going to a Salsa dance club for a surprise birthday celebration for the cutest little mexican girl in the world, my old friend Andrea. This is the part that has me the most apprehensive. They just changed the location of the party because there was a shooting at the club (last night) where they were originally going to have it. ooooh, get me away from here, I'm dying! The thought of me spending $20 to Salsa dance is comical. If Andrea hadn't have been my friend for my entire life minus thirteen days then there is no way I would bother. But I think it's going to end up being a lot of fun. Like many instances of planning to go out, I dread it until I'm actually doing it and having fun. I even have a new pretty dress to wear!

I am tired right now so it's hard to imagine having energy to do any of these things tomorrow. Douglas wanted me to go rollerskating with him and the fashionistas tonight, but Vicky is coming over after work to make pot brownies, so I'm staying at home. Vicky, Chris and Annie are going to Disneyland (hence the pot brownie snacks to take with) and I can't go because of the facial and the surprise party. I just remembered something nice that Ben said to me last night, that he'd go to Disneyland with me in December or January. I can't wait. I don't want to miss the Nightmare Before Christmas at the Haunted Mansion. I want to bring my video camera this year!

On Sunday, I think Amber and I are going to go to Iguana Vintage Clothing on Ventura Blvd. so she can buy a poodle skirt for Halloween. Tiffany has never been there so I'm going to see if she wants to go, and maybe Tony might even come with us if he's free! I'm going to look at the array of stripey and glittery tights they have. I'm not sure if I will actually buy any, but I just got a garter belt last night so I can wear thigh high tights again, so I may consider getting some of those.

The perfect evening sounds like going home and having some food, a little nap and then getting up and watching some great romantic old movie while I hang the rest of my pictures up in my room. It will be interesting to see how this evening unfolds.... all I can think of right now is that nap. Does it mean that I'm getting boring? You tell me...

"ECHINACEA" SOUNDS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE "EUTHANASIA".

Yeah, I keep sneezing and my throat is sore. I must be feeling sluggish, too, cos I couldn't seem to escort my ass upstairs to the water cooler for a tall cool one to drop my liquid echinacea into today. So I just put an eyedropper full of that lovely brown nectar (now with goldenseal!) straight into my mouth. Next time that notion pops into my mind, I think I'll opt for guzzling an ounce of Chanel #5 cos that's what the ecccch-inacea tastes like in it's "pure" form, 'cept I don't get to feel posh like I would if I had drank the perfume instead.

I got my water and my wonder herbs mixed in and it tastes lovely in comparison... now get to work echinacea so I don't get ill!!!

Last night was a fiasco. I think Ben is right. I'm gonna have to get a mobile phone again. Amber and I were supposed to meet Vicky at the House of Blues. I was supposed to go to Will Call and get my Jurassic 5 ticket to sell to Neil. Amber was supposed to attend with the ticket she had in her posession. She was to get a ride home with Vicky and Company or a ride to Vicky's in Burbank where I would go pick her up. I think this story must already be giving THE READER a headache! But wait, it gets better! So, I'm selling my ticket cos I don't feel too great and because I am broke and I need the money. The show starts at 7:30, and we hit traffic and don't arrive until 7:15. Parking costs $10 (highway robbery!!!) and not only do I not have the cash on me, but I just don't HAVE IT at all. So, we decide that Amber will not be attending either and she will meet Vicky and sell them her ticket because for me to get my ticket from Will Call I would have to paaahk the caaahh. Amber looks all over for them as I circle the block over and over again. And it's "drive like a fuck" night anyway so I illegally stop in front of the club for a bit. No sign of them at all. It's past 7:30 so we assume that they got tired of waiting and didn't want to miss any of the show, or that Neil decided not to go (hence making it pointless for them to wait outside and miss any of the show).

Amber and I had no idea what happened, really. So we went to the Virgin Megastore up the street and scrounged up the change to call Vicky's mobile phone, to which there was no answer. She had it shut off. I left a message saying that we were going home. So we went home and made really nice pasta in alfredo sauce! yum!

I found out today that the reason why they weren't there was because Annie forgot their tickets in Burbank and they had to go back home and get them and then they were stuck in traffic. Luckily, Vicky thought to check her messages and when she heard that we had gone, they bought a ticket from a scalper for twice the price and all was well with Vicky and Company.

All was well with Rachie and Company, too, because I am learning slowly in my old age that it doesn't do any good to get upset or try to blame other people when it is just shitty circumstances all around. I feel good in the knowledge that they all got in and had a good time and that me and Amber had good food and got to bed at a normal hour. It could have been worse, and in the end it all worked out OK.

Now if only I could stop sneezing.... AHHHHHHKENCHU!

SIGN OF THE TIMES.

It seems like there are a lot of fellow Librans around... Llew had her birthday whilst on her roadtrip, which I'm assuming, makes her a Libra. And Idleberry's is coming up. And so is Jim Purple Trousers' birthday... and a lot of people here at work... four others besides me.

It's a fabulous sign. We get along well with everybody.

Yesterday, Ben had his interview at the U.S. Consulate in London. He got his Visa! Which means that he can come over to STAY at any time. He told me last night that he was looking into getting a flight on October 21st, which would be soooooo great. I am very excited!

It looks as if the wedding will most definitely be on December 31st. Possibly at the courthouse in Santa Barbara. I'm still waiting to receive the info. I need to go shopping for my red wedding kimono soon! I'd like to wait for Ben to be here to pick out one with me. Then I can think about matching my hair to my outfit!

I found out the other day that I'm getting around a $6000 raise to go with my new Senior Artist title, effective immediately. That will make all the people I owe money to very happy. It makes me pretty happy, too. I can't wait to be out of debt.

Allergies are the bain of my existence right now. I refuse to believe that I have caught a cold. It must be allergies. I have kicked my daily dose of Allegra, and now these allergy attacks happen only occasionally. But last night, I was out later than usual and I had an allergy attack. It feels like what I'd imagine an asthma attack would feel like, though I have never been diagnosed with asthma. Maybe there was something in the air that night (fernando!) that I'm allergic to. I'm not taking any chances, I've loaded up on the echinacea.

So, last night I went to the L.A. Film School to be in a film that Allison's (the controller here at work) boyfriend was doing for school. I got to dress up like a painting and be filmed. I wore a wig and the shirt I wore had a verrrry low plunging neckline and I held a skull on my lap with my hands folded over the top of it and I looked over a mirror with a candle burning in front of it so that my face was mostly turned away from the camera. Since I was lit only from the glow of the candle and a few other subtle lights, the curve of my cheek and my jawline and my throat and chest were all complimented and looked radiant. They said they chose me for "your round face and perfect skin." It was pretty cool cos they made me look exactly like the painting!

They took me to dinner afterwards to this Thai restaraunt that I want to take all my friends to. It's called the Palm and it's on Hollywood Blvd. and Western. There is a Thai Elvis impersonator there who sings while you eat! He sounds just like Elvis when he sings but when he talks he speaks very broken english! There was a Japanese couple next to us, picking meat off of the fish carcass they had ordered and I couldn't take my eyes off of them as they picked out the fish brain with their chopsticks. the remaining bones looked like the ones in the Heathcliff cartoons. The girl was very pretty, she reminded me of my old friend Mayumi from Tokyo. They both reminded me of the movie Battle Royale, which vicky brought over on Sunday for us to watch. It was so fantastic!

Even though that was just last night, and I will undoubtedly be eating my leftover pad thai for dinner tonight, it seems like that was so long ago...

I was going to go see Jurassic 5 at the House Of Blues in Hollywood tonight, but instead I'm going to sell my ticket to Vicky's friend Neil. He likes them more than I do, and Vicky likes Neil so I think it would be cool if he could go, and the show is sold out. Plus I just figured out my finances and I am soooo poor until a week from tomorrow! Thank heavens for that raise!

LONDON CALLING.

I didn't wake up until noon today. I love days like this! The first thing I did was call Ben. But I forgot that he was going to that show tonight... you know, that show... I can't remember what they called it. So I talked to his friend Simmy for a second and I was pleased that I could understand everything Simmy said cos usually I can't. Last night, Ben was to call me at my parents' house at 4 and he called when I was out getting food for everybody. The whole family gathered to have dinner for my birthday. My mom said that he was calling from a payphone cos his phone at home wasn't working to call me. Unfortunately, I had left his number and my phone card at home, so I couldn't call him back either. When I got home, it was too early in the morning in London to call. I meant to wake up at around 2 to call, and I slept right through.

I am craving contact with Ben, even though we talk just about every day. I run out of things to tell him, and I just want to pour out all of my feelings of longing, to look into his blue-grey eyes, to hear him laugh at the same dumb things on tv that I'm watching, to help me select the next cd to listen to... I just really wish he was here. I want to hug him and never let go. Sometimes when I am getting my clothes out of our closet, I take a moment to smell his shirt and remember how it is to rest my face against it when he's wearing it. that's why it's so good to know that he will be back soon. I can wait a month, I think. It's not fun, but it's bearable.

My birthday celebration at my parents' was nice. My best friend Vicky came with us. My brother Tony and his wife Tiffany live in the same building that my sister Amber and I live in (actually, they are the reason we knew about this apartment) so Vicky met us here and the 5 of us went to Simi Valley together. My brother David didn't show up until later cos he was working but his wife Ursula was there. It was fun cos we all sat around and had food and watched the movie from the '80's called Manhunter which is based on the book Red Dragon, and was remade as the 3rd Hannibal Lecter movie being released on Friday. Manhunter is one of our old family favorites, so we are all very excited about Red Dragon. I haven't seen Hannibal yet, but I want to, even though that brain scene is supposed to be really gross!
I got some very nice gifts! Tony and Tiffany got me a Radiohead cd, Pablo Honey, which I only have on cassette and have put on my birthday list for the past few years! Also a Halloweeen Barbie! David and Ursula gave me Austin Powers on DVD and a really cute pyjama set and a halloween cat and a little halloween stool for the cat to sit on! Vicky gave me a bunch of Halloween dishtowels for my Halloween kitchen and these little Halloween boxes with candy in them. The availability of Halloween stuff is why I LOVE that I was born in the autumn! My parents gave me a really funny card with a cat on it and they took $60 off of the money I owe them! What a relief!

It has been a great weekend so far. Amber and I have been watching movies and relaxing. We're going to go grocery shopping soon. Whoo hoo! What a thrill!

SHE'S IN FASHION.

I am pleased that Suede's new album is being released on my birthday. But I got the newsletter from Suede.net and it had the track listing for 'A New Morning' and I anticipate that it is not going to be very good. I was not a fan of 'HeadMusic' and I think that judging by the titles of the song that this one is going to be in the same vein... I felt that 'HeadMusic' was Suede's version of paint-by-numbers. Too many regurgitated themes and even actual lyrics that were used in other songs. I thought it was great in the past how Suede reinvented themselves to a certain extent with each album, much like David Bowie. 'HeadMusic' really disappointed me in that respect because it seemed like watered down 'Coming Up'. Even the cover art was similar. But I came to realize 2 things about 'HeadMusic': In the past, Suede had lost or gained new members with each album which is probably how they "reinvented" themselves. It was probably more of a natural reaction than an artistic statement. With that idea in mind, with 'A New Morning' they have also lost and gained a member now that Alex from Strangelove has replaced Neil on keyboards. So perhaps this one will be different. Also, I was very hard on 'HeadMusic' because I had burned out on Suede after following them across America for the second time. Occasionally after that, I went to clubs and heard "Electricity" and "She's In Fashion" and really enjoyed dancing to them. I'm sure my attitude toward Suede had a lot to do with my reception of 'HeadMusic'. Now I am looking back nostalgically and I'm planning to construct an online version of my old Suede fanzine called 'Quietly Kill For You' and learn how to make websites in the process. After all, making the fanzine was how I learned graphic design and now it's my career. So it will be beneficial to me in the future, I'm sure. I want this new Suede album to be good and important to me, just for old time's sake. But I'm older and wiser and perhaps I've seen too much behind the scenes for it to ever posess that magic for me again. How sad.

NOW SHE'S IN LOVE.

This morning, Ben told me that he got a letter from the Consulate in London, and his interview is very soon! So he might be back here in time for Halloween! I am so excited!

I painted my nails turquoise blue with blue and green glitter, and I also dyed my hair today. Now it's a darker teal color. It's nice, but the blue green bleeds everywhere if I get my hair even slightly damp. That should lessen over time.

I watched movies with my sister today and cleaned the apartment. We had a nice quiet day. Now I'm watching a scary program on the Discovery channel about a little girl who sees ghosts in her house. I still haven't gotten used to the sounds of the neighbors upstairs completely and now every time I hear them I think it's a ghost! It's almost time to watch cartoons on the Cartoon Network. I love Adult Swim!

Amber (my sister) and I decided to start our diet tomorrow, so we cut up tons of fresh vegetables tonight and got things prepared so it will be easier to pack up things to take to work. I'm such a sugar fiend. This is going to be hard, but I think it will be so much better overall. Now that I know I'll be getting married soon for sure I have to try to get in better shape so I don't look like "a whale of a wife" in our wedding photos! I'm so excited!!!

LISA LEARNED A LOT FROM PUTTING ON A BLINDFOLD.

I am sooooo glad that it's Friday.

I found out today that Ziggy, indeed, needs a new alternator. I didn't want that $600 anyway. Who needs food? Didn't I just say the other day that I wanted to lose 40 pounds? heh! I know that starvation dieting isn't healthy (save yer lectures!) So, anyway, Ziggy has to spend the night at the Honda place tonight and I will get him back tomorrow. For now, I am just figuring I gotta do what I gotta do and I am not going to worry too much about spending the money cos things have a funny way of working out.
However.
Saving rent out of this paycheck I got yesterday is a bit tricky. I get paid again on October 3rd, but my rent is due ON THE FIRST. I have to be careful. Good thing I have 3 paydays in October! Whoo hoo!
I am fantasising about fancy red shoes. I think I'm under the influence of Marianna Longmire! Red shoes would look so smashing with my outfit today! A nice shade to match my lipstick.
Last night I met up with Jim and Jane and it was very fun. Andrea and Tina came with me and it was great! I drank a pint of Harp and got very tipsy cos there was no time for dinner beforehand.
I have no plans for the weekend, other than to get my car when it's fixed. And to go grocery shopping.

I'm sleepy! :)

WELL HUNG AND SNOW WHITE TAN.

Yesterday was another Wednesday here at Sexy Hair Concepts. I was called out to a 10:00 meeting at Starbucks with my boss and Creative Director, Mr. Douglas Little. It seems that since Melanie is leaving to go work for "Crank Yankers" that I am being given the Senior Graphic Designer position, which is terribly exciting for me. Then, at 12 noon, we had our company-wide lunch meeting and guess what...
I got my car washed!!!
Ziggy looks beautiful. You can actually tell that he is dark green instead of the usual grimy black, and no more sandy carpets! No dust over the speedometer! And he even has a fresh strawberry scent!
The sad thing is that Ziggy is going to see the "doctor" tonight because he still doesn't want to start right away when the engine is cold. So I'm dropping him off and I should get a diagnosis tomorrow. I expect that it may end up costing me around $600. Excited? You betcha!!
The up-side of it is that since I had plans to meet up with Jim Purple Trousers and Jane Scarlet Trousers tonight, and I now will need a ride, and that Andrea and Tina from Sexy Hair are going to go with me! We're meeting at the King's Head pub in Santa Monica. It should be really fun, not only because I get to see Jim and Jane again, but because Andrea and Tina are so hilarious to be around and they are really pretty, to boot! I am wearing a dress today that I made, it is 1940's style and has bright orange peaches and oranges all over it! So of course I'm wearing orange eyeshadow which looks yummy with my turquoise hair. It's so much nicer to be dressed up. I just wish that my high-heeled mary janes were't killing my feet so badly! The price we pay for FASHION. beep-beep!

THIRTEEN DAYS!!!

That's how long it is until my birthday.

I suppose if I want any celebrating to happen, I had better plan something quick! That's the way it usually works around here. Know why? Cos I am a real jet-setter! Ha! Well, I used to be... so my parents gave up planning any sort of party for my birthday. Not that they aren't willing to make a dinner for me and the rest of the family and have cake and all of that hoopla, just that I have to arrange the date and everything. Usually. Or my mom will send me an email around the 26th asking if I want to have my birthday dinner on the 28th or 29th since my birthday is on a Monday this year. I think the 27th is a lovely day for a family gathering at my parents' house in beautiful Simi Valley California...

I used to be real cheeky and send my whole family an email listing everything that I wanted for my birthday, with links, too! I think I might do that again! Cos I always got stuff I really wanted or needed when I did it that way. And it's all about the presents, right? Actually, I think I'm most excited about the cake!

I think being 28 is going to be fun for me. Ever since I was a little girl I always wanted to be an adult, so I think that's why aging doesn't bother me yet. Plus, people tend to think I'm about 21 or 22. I think maybe if I looked my age it might bother me more. But people will never find out as long as I continue to act my shoe size instead!

I'm going to go over my wish list again, but don't worry, I'll keep you posted...

IT COULD HAVE BEEN A BRILLIANT CAREER.

I just got a phone call from my boss, the Creative Director here at Sexy Hair Concepts, Mr. Douglas Little. He was away at a trade show this weekend and today. What he told me over the phone didn't surprise me. He said that Melanie, the other designer here, had gotten a new job and had put in her 2 weeks notice. The other job is making puppets for the show "Crank Yankers" which is great cos the studio is right by her house and it's something that she would really enjoy. She used to be the stage manager for Gwar for 8 years and toured all over the world with them and managed their stage theatrics and made costumes and props. I am happy for Mel.

Douglas said that I should tell no-one (shhhhh!) and that he and I needed to sit down and talk about this because some changes are going to happen here in the art department. I am apprehensive cos he sounds worried, but I'm excited, too. This means that I will get to do more important jobs and I will have seniority over whoever comes in to design with us next. And this means that the whole tone of things in here can change. I take my job very seriously and so does Douglas. I think this can only help move things forward.

WANDERING ALONE.
This is the very first time I've been alone in the new apartment. I don't like it so much. I got home from taking Ben to LAX airport at around 8:45pm. It's just so strange to be here without him. It's been a couple of hours and it still feels like one of those bad dreams when you're trying to run away but your arms and legs are heavy and weighted down and you can't move. Because everywhere I look I see Ben's things. As if he is still here but I just can't find him. I don't envy him sitting on that plane for over 10 hours... I hope that once he gets back to London that he feels ok. I hope that he gets back into the swing of things right away. He's good about that sort of thing. I'll be ok, too. I'm trying very hard not to cry cos I just don't know if I can stop once I start. For now I am just watching Adult Swim cartoons on the Cartoon Network and feeling like something vital is missing...

DINOSAUR GERMS.

I was obsessed with dinosaurs at the age of five.

My brother Tony (who was six) and I were so inspired by the photos we had seen of the dinosaur skeletons being reconstructed at museums (and also by the post card of dinosaurs from Disneyland that Tony had pinned up on his closet door) that we decided to try to construct our own skeleton. It just so happens that our parents started serving us meat on the bone. So every time we'd have chicken, Tony and I would save our bones in a plastic bag. We put them in his top desk drawer for safekeeping.

At five and six years old, the notion that it would take more than chicken leg and wing bones to build a dinosaur skeleton was far too obtuse to even enter our realm of imagination. We were so dedicated to this project that we hid bones away for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably something like two months.

When our mother, Julie, found the wad of paper napkins wrapped securely around what used to be a clear plastic bag (that had now been clouded over with grease) containing old chicken bones, she was furious! No matter how we tried to explain our plan, she was convinced that we would be resurrecting more cockroaches and mice than dinosaurs. I didn't like those nearly as much and so our chicken bones as well as our plans for making a dinousaur got chucked out.

I LOVE MY CAR.

I have tried to write several posts to my blog today and they don't post and I lose them. So at this point I'm feeling a bit apathetic.

I can't wait until 9/11 becomes a national holiday. Today is just too weird to work through. I'd rather have a 9/11 holiday than a Labor Day holiday (though both would be swell.) I'm not usually very socially conscious, but that's how I know that this tragedy is big. It seems to reach everybody in some way. Why, this morning even my car Ziggy observed his own moment of silence when he refused to start right away...

me: I just BOUGHT YOU A NEW BATTERY A MONTH AGO YOU LITTLE...
ziggy: 'clik-clik' 'r-r-r-r.'
me: ...if your alternator is going I'm gonna smash your...
ziggy: 'clik' 'r-r-r-r-rememeber the victimmmms'
*and then we sped away*

Now I'm glad that my car is socially compassionate, but I tell you, it had better be just that, or maybe a cry for attention so I'll clean the poor little guy. He's only 4 years old, there shouldn't be anything majorly wrong with him yet. I thought Accords were supposed to run forever!

Here's something you irony fans will enjoy: see, every week here at Sexy Hair Concepts where I work (www.sexyhairconcepts.com) 2 things happen on Wednesdays. 1. We have a company-wide lunch meeting with free lunch and a state of the company address from various bigwigs. 2. A fellow called Candy comes with his crüe and washes cars in the parking lot for $10-$15 (depending on if you get the "old employee" discount or not). "WHAT THE DUCK?!" you say, "Why Rachie, you were just saying yesterday how you needed your car washed and there is the service right there while you work!!!!" Well, God! Show me magic! if I wasn't too cheap to pay to have my damn car washed! Well, I think I had a brain tumor for breakfast! I forgot what a nice job "Candy and the gentlemen" (as Vinette, the receptionist calls them) do on our vehicles. They even vacuum out the interior! Sheeeeeiiiiittteeee!

For some unexplainable reason, I am in a good mood. My T-shirt says "born crabby" though, and boy, is that the truth! Well, I wouldn't say I feel "jovial" but I feel reflective and hopeful and this is good for Rachie's soul.
Ben keeps singing a song about "the cutest girl in the world" because Laura Llew posted on Sinister that I am. I think that is really sweet. Especially since I'm recently chubby. For the first time in my life I am overweight (about 40 pounds) and I have done nothing to prevent it from happening. And I don't think it's like they say, that when you're contented and in love that you gain weight. I just don't care very much about how I look. I don't think about what I eat and I don't exercise. I don't realize how fat I've gotten until I see pictures of myself. I can't and I won't stay this way. Not only because I don't feel like I look good, but because my clothes just don't fit. I have a closet full that I can't wear. And because I don't feel good about the way I look, I stop caring about the little things. I noticed this especially when I saw Heather McCoy coming up the stairs at work today. She's wearing furry leopard print platform slides and her toenails are painted olive green...with gold glitter on top. That's inspiration!
There is a lot of sand on the floor in my car from my and Ben's beach picnic in Malibu on Sunday night and it's sort of driving me crazy cos my car is so dirty. It's weird cos when I lived in a house and had a driveway to park my car (and wash my car) in, as recent as a month ago, I never took advantage of that. I should have been washing and vacuuming out my car every week, but nnnnnnoooooooo, I am inherantly unmotivated. Now I feel like "oh god, if only I had somewhere to clean my car myself I'd do it tonight! but alas, no. Poor Ziggy will just have to go dirty again!" What is with that grass always being greener on the other side of the fence? Even when I lived in the house I'd take Ziggy through the car wash at the gas station anyway. It just seems like since I moved and my routine is disturbed that I am making obstacles where there shouldn't be any. That's just one symptom of my general malaise, where instead of finding a local station to get my car washed at, I let it go dirty. What a dork.

It seems very strange to me that there are only 6 days left until Ben returns to London. I don't think I ever believed that he was going to live in California forever (I don't even believe that about myself) but there has been so much happening in the lsat 3 months that there wasn't much time to contemplate the fact that the end of Ben's holiday was inevitable. He was depressed about it a bit yesterday and, oddly enough, I felt that it was my duty to try to perk him up by *gasp* looking on the bright side of things! Of course, maybe it was the cheeriness of the lime green sheets that we had just put on our bed that helped me along. I'm a sucker for visual stimuli.

However, I am dreading Sunday more than usual this week. I just don't know how life will be here without Ben. One of the things that I found to be really alluring about moving house while he was here (besides the necessity of the situation) was the fact that this is a place that we moved to together, though it isn't a permanent move for Ben yet. But it will be in a matter of months. I have been really out-of-sorts since the move, but this happens to me every time I change dwellings. It takes about 6 months for me to get settled. So I figure when Ben moves back and we get married will be when I start feeling more content. For now I just feel a bit... off.

Hiya! This is the very first entry to my blog. I'm just jumping full-force onto the bandwagon! We'll see if this turns out to be something I really enjoy doing or not. So far, Ben's looks great, so I am encouraged. Plus, I'm bored at work, so something like this could really come in handy!